An Entomological Study of Writers: Which Insect Best Describes Your Writing Style?

to Kifri: thank you for sharing your world of bugs with me

I have a special kind of fondness for bugs. And spiders. And snakes. I like them big or small, terrifying or cute, and even deadly or harmless. I’ve always said insects are better than people, and with good reason. There is a certain order to the natural world; a specific series of “unspoken rules” that all living beings respect and abide by. These rules can neither be broken nor can they be clumsily compromised as a result of someone’s careless whims and impulses. Patterns exist. Habits can be observed and studied. And as a result, conclusions can be accurately derived and documented detailing the unique nature and particular mannerisms of each kind of species. 

Humans are not as predictable. But they do, on occasion, follow a certain set of behavioral trends. And though specialists like psychologists and psychiatrists have conducted numerous case studies in order to try to understand and rationalize various types of idiosyncratic human traits, a more interesting experiment, in my humble opinion, would be to conduct an entomological taxonomy of writers. In fact, I have recently come to discover – through my passion for insects – that writers actually can kinda sorta be like some kind of bugs in some occasions. To be more specific, here is my classification of the top four “classical” types of bug-like writers: 

1) The Diversionist Writer:

a) Devil’s Flower Mantis. Being known for having dull colors since birth, but very bright ones upon maturation into the adult phase, the Devil’s Mantis is basically a timid little shadow-dweller. It won’t actually attack you or come at you like a true warrior but rather get into this majestic stance only once it feels threatened. If truly provoked, its naturally instinct is to run away (Devil’s Flower Mantis, 2016). Did you ever write bold courageous posts but…while using a pseudonym? Then this little critter probably describes you best.

b) Camouflaged Looper. What’s more “low-key” than putting on a fake show? Becoming the fake show yourself! The Camouflaged Looper is by far one of the most special bugs you’ll ever encounter – if you’re ever fortunate enough to come across one. Most caterpillars are camouflaged by default in order to appear as similar as possible to the flowers/petals their parents laid eggs on. Some change their appearance based on diet or location. But these guys design their entire outfit (so-to-speak) entirely from scratch. They will even take bits and pieces of petals and leaves from neighboring plants and flowers and pluck them into their own skin, then continuously replace them the second the leaves begin to wilt, all simply to blend in and further direct attention away from themselves (Harness, 2016). A writer of a similar nature would emulate the different writing patterns he comes across in his career in an approval-seeking fashion all because he would be simply too worried about having and expressing his own style.

2) The Ostentatious Writer:

a) Peacock Spider. The Peacock Spider is a very colorful species that has a flap-like abdomen, which it raises upwards during mating. It also utilizes its third pair of legs for this reason and begins shaking and vibrating its entire body while moving side to side in a very lavish performance intended at seducing his potential mate. (To watch a nifty video of this spider’s dance, click here) (Palermo, 2016). So if you’ve ever done the exact opposite of our first category of bugs (The Diversionists) – that is to say if you’ve ever flaunted your previous degrees, accomplishments, and celebrity status in your domain fearlessly drawing more attention to your current status/work/position – then you probably share ancestral traits with this bug.

b) Elvis Presley Shield Bug. Though the Elvis Bug has similar behavioral habits, it is interesting to note that while the Peacock Spider uses its appearance to lure the ladies in, the Elvis Bug unintentionally ends up pushing potential predators away based on the simple fact that this insect is also more commonly referred to as the Pentatomoidea Bug/Giant Shield Bug, otherwise infamously known as the Stink Bug (Prigg, 2012). So lesson learned: if you are trying to ride the glory train all because of your past achievements (whether writing-related or not), that’s great and all, and it will draw an “audience” in. But when that happens, just make sure your current position doesn’t…well…stink.

3) The Audacious Writer:

a) Hercules Beetle. Some of you may neither need an alias nor a fancy repertoire to sell your writing for you ahead of time. So, if you fancy labeling yourself as an intrepid communicator who is never afraid of expressing him/herself regardless of the consequences involved, then you certainly identify with this bug. This critter belongs to the family of Rhinoceros Beetles and is one of the largest species of beetles in existence. It is also said to be one of the most powerful creatures on earth; unique in its ability to carry at least 850 times its own body weight (Hercules Beetle, 2016). A writer with such abilities is a determined writer able to face, accept, and overcome challenges far more demanding and difficult than most people can handle. 

b) Brazilian Treehopper. Like their colleagues the Hercules Beetles, these bugs just like being themselves. This species has been around for at least 40 million years and has never been at risk of making it to the endangered species list. These odd-looking bugs tend to hang around only the tops of trees and feed on the saps of leaves. Not only do they aim high, they are also – in a sense – indifferent to attention. On their thorax, they have three circular balls, the purpose of which entomologists, to this day, are still absolutely clueless about. Another interesting fact about them is how they are able to find the healthy balance between leading a private quiet life, while simultaneously sharing their world with others. For instance, when they lay eggs, often times ants would take care of them and protect them while the Brazilian Treehoppers, in return, would produce honey-dew for these baby-sitter ants. So though they do keep to themselves, these bugs take pride in being different even if they’re never understood realizing that a successful relationship with fellow vermin involves a good deal of symbiosis (Deitz & Wallace, 2011). As it appears, the analogy can also be extended to their writer-doppelgangers: if others leave them useful feedback, writers would feel more inclined to go about continuing their current habits.

4) The Adaptive Writer:

a) Happy-Face Spider. More scientifically known as Theridion Grallator, this insect earned its nickname due to the strikingly bizarre smiley-face pattern on its back. We can judge this book by its cover (or rather this spider by its smiling back) as it is both incredibly tiny (5 millimeters), and completely harmless to humans. Scientists are recently starting to believe that its patterns are so uncanny precisely for the sake of confusing their predators. As the latter try to figure out if what they’re seeing is their next lunch or just an eccentric object they shouldn’t pay attention to, this little critter buys itself a few extra minutes it can use to run away and escape (British scientists study Hawaiian happy face spider, 2009). In a sense, you could say it blends in by blending out or rather by going against the dictum of conformity. Just as these bugs are currently at the risk of going extinct, so are the writers they correspond to. Not all authors know when to swim with the tide and when to go against it. And of course those who risk it all too soon and at the worst of times…drown, to say the least.

b) Giraffe Weevil. The reason I saved this particular species for last is because I personally see myself mostly identifying with this particular fascinating little bug. The narcissist in me would love to pat myself on the back and claim that this is the case because it seems to represent goodness through the golden mean but it doesn’t. Not for me anyway. So let’s discuss its specs then: Unsurprisingly, it gets its name from its unusually long neck. This insect is also sexually dimorphic, which is fancy wording to simply mean that the male Giraffe Weevils are distinctively different from their female counterparts. In this case, the male weevil’s neck is three times as long as the female’s. While the male uses its neck to fight off other males and compete for the best female, the female lays a single egg then uses her neck to roll the egg in a leaf, which serves the dual purpose of both protecting it against hungry predators, and providing the hatchling with a healthy vegetarian snack once its born. That said, the giraffe bug, like its next-of-kin the actual giraffe animal, seems to have natural selection to thank for that usefully long neck (Nathan, 2016). 

Let’s recap then: we have writers who: (1) avoid attention; (2) crave attention desperately; (3) are bold enough to speak their mind irrespective of whatever attention it does or does not get them; and lastly (4) writers who learn to balance out what attention they ought or not be getting. 

So why do I personally feel most comfortable associating myself with the Giraffe Weevil? It all had to do with our famous English naturalist and geologist: Charles Darwin and his theory of evolution by natural selection, which basically comprises four tenets: “(1) More individuals are produced each generation that can survive; (2) Phenotypic variation exists among individuals and the variation is heritable; (3) those individuals with heritable traits better suited to the environment will survive; (4) when reproductive isolation occurs new species will form” (as cited in McClean, 1997). Otherwise stated, the creatures that tend to survive in the wild are those who eventually find themselves able to adjust to their surrounding habitat and environment. 

That’s said, the evolution by natural selection is a good postulate to mull over and revisit time to time no matter what bug you decided represents your writing persona. Ultimately, to survive in this harsh world, you should give a little/take a little while learning that in order to make it to the next generation you must not completely destroy your “original self” but instead simply morph into “a self” that is able to successfully mesh and coexist with others in this overly critical ecosystem. After all, if evolution taught us anything it’s this: It’s never about suffocating your writing voice, but rather understanding how to tune it.

References

• British scientists study Hawaiian happy face spider. (22 Apr. 2009). The Telegraph. Retrieved from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5199409/British-scientists-study-Hawaiian-happy-face-spider.html
• Deitz, L., & Wallace, M. (Aug. 2011). Treehoppers: Aetalionidae, Melizoderidae, and Membracidae (Hemiptera). Insect Museum. Retrieved from http://treehoppers.insectmuseum.org/public/site/treehoppers/home
• Devil’s Flower Mantis. (2016). Keeping Insects: Caring for A Praying Mantis, Butterflies, Stick Insects and Beetles. Retrieved from http://www.keepinginsects.com/praying-mantis/species/devils-flower-mantis/
• Harness, J. (2016). The caterpillar that makes its own camouflage. Mental Floss. Retrieved from http://mentalfloss.com/article/30364/caterpillar-makes-its-own-camouflage
• Hercules Beetle. (2016). A-Z Animals. Retrieved from http://a-z-animals.com/animals/hercules-beetle/
• McClean, P. (1997). Darwin’s theory of evolution by natural selection. Population and Evolutionary Genetics. Retrieved from https://www.ndsu.edu/pubweb/~mcclean/plsc431/popgen/popgen5.htm
• Nathan, (2016). Wild Fact #413 – A neck above the rest – Giraffe Weevil (Madagascar). Wild Facts: Fun for All Animal Lovers. Retrieved from http://www.wild-facts.com/2011/wild-fact-413-a-neck-above-the-rest-giraffe-weevil-madagascar/
• Palermo, E. (2016). Dancing Peacock Spider is a web sensation. Live Science. Retrieved from http://www.livescience.com/51740-peacock-spider-dances.html 
• Prigg, M. (2012). All shook up: Photographer stunned to find bug with the face of Elvis on its back. Daily Mail. Retrieved from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2209360/The-king-Bizarre-bug-face-Elvis-back.html